Big VS Small
by ltifal
Summary: Is size really matter? Find out the result with Rangiku and her reluctant side kicks, Nanao and Isane! Featuring all taicho and fukutaicho of gotei 13
1. Chapter 1

**Authoress note: this one is based after the anime finished… slight AU I suppose… Anyway… this is an attempt for humour… **

**below list Gotei 13 in this AU fic:**

**1st division: sou-taicho: Kyoraku Shuunsui & sou-fukutaicho: Isei Nanao**

**2nd division: taicho: Soifon & fukutaicho: Omaeda Marechiyo**

**3rd division: taicho: Urahara Kisuke & fukutaicho: Izuru Kira**

**4th division: taicho: OC Kirisaki Fuuko & fukutaicho: Kotetsu Isane**

**5th division: taicho: Shinji Hirako & fukutaicho: Hinamori Momo**

**6th division: taicho: Kuchiki Byakuya & fukutaicho: Abarai Renji**

**7th division: taicho: Komamura Sajin & fukutaicho: Iba Tetsuzaemon**

**8th division: taicho: Genshiro Okikiba & fukutaicho: Mashiro Kuna**

**9th division: taicho: Shihoin Yoruichi & fukutaicho: Hisagi Shuuhei**

**10th division: taicho: Hitsugaya Toushiro & fukutaicho: Matsumoto Rangiku**

**11th division: taicho: Zaraki Kenpachi & fukutaicho: Kusajika Yachiru**

**12th division: taicho: Kurotsuchi Mayuri & fukutaicho: Kurotsuchi Nemu**

**13th division: taicho: Ukitake Juushiro & fukutaicho: Kuchiki Rukia**

**Disclaimer: All character except OC which wouldn't really make any appearance in this fic but useful no least are belong to Tite Kubo**

**Warning: check the rating, though it is not M rate but there are words that definitely won't do with children! And also this fic is unbetaed.**

_Big VS Small?!_

_Chapter 1_

"It doesn't make any sense! Why!"

"Rangiku-san, I believe you should stop whining, I mean it's not-"

"But it is!" Matsumoto Rangiku, the juubantai fukutaicho (10 squad lieutenant) wailed in frustration! She was waving the new Seireitei newspaper which she purchased not long ago (before the lunch break) and now was arguing with her friend of ichi bantai fukutaicho (1st squad lieutenant) Isei Nanao. It was clear on her face, the usual stoic-no-nonsense raven hair girl in the brink of defeat. While Kotetsu Isane… she was not sure about the topic; and she really **really** had a bad feeling about the argument and why she was dragged into this kind of conversation.

"Can you believe it? Three out of most eligible bachelors are taken!" Matsumoto eyes burned in anger. And no! She was not jealous! She just didn't understand why! "AND! Two of three were taken by girls whose breasts are smaller than mine!"

'_Oh, no… dear Soul King up there, no, we are not going there. No! No! No!'_ Both ichi and yong bantai fukutaicho (1st and 4th squad lieutenant) had a thought in unison.

"See!" The beauty orange head said as she pointed to the headline news which read as '_New Royal Pair Finally Official! Kuchiki Elders Announces Kuchiki Byakuya is courting Kuchiki Rukia'_ Nanao was really resisting rolling her eyes. Only a blind man who couldn't notice how the roku bantai taicho's (6th squad captain) look every time he stared at his adoptive sister…

"Ugh, after Urahara taicho and Ukitake taicho! The most eligible bachelor is taken too! What happen! Does Seireitei have love bugs?!" Matsumoto cried crocodile; she had a very beautiful body with asset that certainly made boy drools and girl envies. But how come she didn't have any boyfriend!

"Anou, Rangiku-san. I believe Urahara taicho and Kuchiki taicho are just couple waiting to happen, actually I am quite surprise with Ukitake taicho… but well… my taicho had care for him for quite some time so it's only natural." The white hair timid girl said while Isei tugged her glasses up, agreeing with the girl. Shihoin taicho was chasing all the way to human world when Urahara taicho was banished… while… Ukitake taicho was being cared by Kirisaki taicho weekly and lately show improvement in health, so it was only natural that both feel attached.

"But why! I believe male do like big breasts!" Matsumoto insisted, as Isei slapped her face. '_No, no, we are not going there again!_' while Kotetsu let out a faint sigh. "WAKATA! (I understand/I know)" The long wavy orange hair girl yelled in excited. "Let do some survey then!"

"WHAT!" Both fukutaicho yelled in synch, Kotetsu almost spurted out her tea. And with that Matsumoto dragged both girls out much to their horror.

_Bleach_

_Ichi bantai… (1st squad…)_

Kyouraku sou-taicho was just lazing around and leaning backward on two legs of his chair after his lunch when the door of his office burst open suddenly which resulting of him taking his chair backward and down to the ground with a loud 'thump!'. "What's happen?!" He asked in dazed when he heard a concern scream from his lovely fukutaicho.

"Sou-taicho (captain-commander), are you all right?" Isei Nanao's lovely face came in view as she helped her superior. As much as she disliked his playful-sometime-playboy attitude, he was still her respected leader (and *cough* possible husband *cough*) more over a sou-taichou…

"Oh, Nanao-chan, I'm flattered!" The older man said almost hugging but was slapped away almost immediately with paper fan which miraculously appears out of nowhere.

"Kyouraku Sou-taicho! Manners, please!" Isei Nanao was adorned with slight flush but her angry vein was also visible.

"Kyouraku Sou-taicho!" Matsumoto yelled suddenly without missing a beat. "Do you like big breasts?" The ichi bantai fukutaicho (1st squad lieutenant) couldn't be redder than it already had, while Kotetsu who trailed behind them suddenly had this feeling to run away, as far away as possible. She didn't really want to know the answer…

The black hair man paused in surprise before he broke into a grin, a very big grin indeed. He was amused for sure; more over it was an opportunity to tease his subordinate. He practically laughed in glee. "Why, Matsumoto! I didn't know you swing that way!"

"No! I love cock just fine." She dismissed it nonchalantly.

"Rangiku-san!" The black hair girl was basically burned in flame. While Kotetsu… was already stop out cold like a stone with a crack that could be seen starting to split from her forehead. A roar of laughter was heard from the said male before he grinned again. He was intrigued on why the fukutaicho of juubantai (10th squad) was asking this question.

"Ok, now I'm curious. Why did you ask something like that?" As soon as Kyouraku ended his question, Matsumoto quickly retold their… correction _her_ situation. Hearing the reason behind it, the chief of Gotei 13 nodded his head in understanding, feeling a little sorry for her actually; but he believed it was not size matter. This time though he decided to keep his opinion alone. "So that's why? And you plan to ask every person in Seireitei?"

"Nope, male only taicho and fukutaicho. (captain and lieutenant)"

"Ah… well then my answer is '**I love big breasts**!'" He grinned almost pervertly but suddenly jumped toward his fukutaicho in attempt for another hug. "But I love Nanao-chan's the best!" The said girl quickly gave him another hit, this time with the thick book which she was always carrying before blushing madly. "OW!"

"Tsk… small breasts it is…" Matsumoto said in disappointed before her hands bailed into a fist. Nanao glared at her murderously. '_Did she just say I had small breast! This is normal size, damnit!'_

"Well, it's only one, so let's go ask the other. Girls!" She said as she grabbed both girls and ran away yelling 'thank you' in process, leaving the only male, the respected sou-taicho alone on the floor, unconscious…

Small-one VS Big-zero…

_Bleach_

_Ni bantai (2nd squad)…_

Omaeda Marechiyo was still pigging out his lunch feast when the door of his office burst opened in second; almost make him choked to dead. Dead by meat… hem not what a respectful meat loving shinigami like him wanted to occur. "Cough! Cough!" He tried to push that offense meat out from his windpipe but to no avail.

"Omaeda fukutaicho!" Kotetsu Isane who was already escaped from her statue-trance-like immediately ran toward the said huge person. As she was from yong bantai (4th squad) and a fukutaicho no least, saving shinigami's life had already became a habit as she quickly responded with Heimlich maneuver. As much as she was a girl, being tall shinigami definitely had a strength that no normal soul had. Thanks, the Soul King… After the third push, that chunk of meat flew from his mouth and comically pasted itself into Matsumoto's lovely so called mountain breasts...

"ICK! THAT'S DISGUSTING!" The so called narcissi yelled in annoyed as she bounced it up and down… instead of taking it off by hand. Isei couldn't help but found it was actually humorous as she tried to stop her laugher into a muzzle.

"Sigh… I thought I was done for sure." The male said as he huffed up and down in relief but not before glaring. "Have you even heard about knocking!?" The statement though flew above their heads as Rangiku took the tissue on the table (without permission) and quickly cleaned her lovely asset.

"It's emergency!" The girl said glaring as he already made her lovely milky big breasts dirty and smell like meat…

"Emergency?! Hollow?! Where?" He said as he quickly took his katana and attached it into his obi. He was still a fukutaicho damnit!

"No, not hollow…" Isei replied as she rolled her eyes. The big boy was glaring before he took his position back on the table.

"Bah, don't waste my time then." He said before taking another chunk of meat and chewed.

"One question." Matsumoto said as Kotetsu shook her head at her. She could imagine what would happen when someone asked such an offensive question while the said person was chewing something… but it was too late as the boy nodded and the orange hair girl opened her mouth. "Do you like big breasts?!" And just like what Isane had predicted, the boy was again chocking from his food. Well, here goes another Heimlich maneuver…

Seconds passed later…

"Are you going to kill me?! Really?!" He shouted, face a little flush. That kind of thing was private!

"Well, not that anyone'll miss you…" Rangiku murmured under her breath.

"What was that?" He glared hard

"Oh nothing…" She was waving her hand in dismiss gesture. "Are you going to answer?" Even before he managed to open his mouth to retort, a familiar reiatsu came from outside and was closing in.

"What's with all the commotion? I can hear the yelling from my office!" Soifon, the taicho of ni bantai (2nd squad) was glaring at them.

"Oh, Soifon taicho, nothing, we'll be leav-" Isei was about to drag the girl out but was cut by Matsumoto.

"I'm surveying on behalf of Shinigami Woman Association." She said lying through her teeth.

"We are?" Kotetsu blinked her eyes, while the ichi-bantai fukutaicho (1st squad lieutenant) groaned. After this done, she really need some aspirin!

"…" The cat (Yoruichi) loving girl raised her eyes brown before making eyes connection with fukutaicho of SWA. She was not sure if this was Nanao's idea but let it pass since she was curious. "And what this survey is all about?"

"It is for male only taicho and fukutaicho survey."

"I see… and what that would be?"

"I'm asking him if he likes big breast." There were a pregnant paused as the female leader blushed deeply, it was a sight to be seen. Soifon coughed uncomfortably…

"Tsk, I don't care as long as she can cook nice meal!" Omaeda finally declared, he still hadn't finished his lunch and he needed them out in second!

"That's not an answer! Which is it?!"

"Fine! Big then." As soon as the answer came out, Matsumoto grinned in satisfaction.

"Well, that wasn't so bad, right." The girl felt pump up as she walked away from the office followed by both fukutaicho and Soifon. Omaeda finally sighed in relieved before closing his office door, now back to his feast!

The trio finally walked toward the division's entrance, willing to continue the journey (actually two out three were reluctant to continue…) but what Soifon said next had stop them. "Em… for your info, I love big breast. Like Yoruichi-sama." She flushed lightly.

"Sure, Soifon-taicho! I put your opinion on the survey!" Matsumoto grinned evilly as Isei glared.

"You said male only! That was irrelevant!" Nanao yelled in irritation as Kotetsu sweatdropped… Rangiku though, turned deaf ears as she strolled away in happiness.

Small-one VS Big-two…

_Bleach_

_San bantai (3rd Squad)_

"Anou, taicho. How's your lunch? I hope it is up to your standard." Izuru asked as he paused from his own lunch. He really hoped his newly assigned taicho was satisfied with him. He still had that trauma with Ichimaru ex-taicho. Sometime he was actually blaming himself. '_Was it his fault that his suppose to be leader_ _become a traitor?'_

"Kira, you should really stop blaming yourself." Urahara said, noticing that his subordinate had fallen into deep thought. Since his promotion back to the rank of captain, Urahara was losing his signature 'getta' but the green white stripe hat was still on his head. His face also shaved clean, though he was a lay back captain much like Kyouraku, he still wanted to maintain his sophisticated look. After all, Yoruichi liked him more when he had his stubble shaved, not that she ever voiced it out. She indeed was beaming when she saw him in clean shave face with black tailor suit one time as he escorted her into some party.

"I'm sorry taicho…" He said timidly. A sigh escaped Kisuke's lips. He really needed to encourage this boy. Being under Ichimaru might be a lot of hell for him and he knew from Hisagi (since Shihoin is his taicho and he indeed visited Yoruichi several times each week). The boy was actually quite cocky when he entered the academy but somehow gradually became timid as the time went by. Hem, being yong bantai (4th squad) member the first time he out of academy also didn't help much. The yong bantai (4th squad) seemed to be bullied a lot by other division especially the juuichi bantai (11th squad).

Though now with the new taicho, Kirisaki was able to lower the bullied down due to her accurate syringe needle throwing habit, which happened if anyone ever threatened her member. She might not as scary as ex-taicho Unohana but being thrown with something that could hit precisely near the head or other-vulnerable-part-that-would-surely-hurt was also scary…

"Kira." He said as he finished his lunch and quietly slurping his tea. His fukutaicho was ready to pack all the trash out.

"Yes, taicho?"

"Sit."

"Hai?"

"Sit cross leg and try to meditate." The green hat wearer said as he gestured him to sit in front of him.

"Ah, hai taicho." Izuru finally sat as he closed his eyes.

"Relax your shoulder, take a deep breath." A paused "Exhale." The meditation would continue quietly if not for… a loud 'bang' came from the door that made his fukutaicho jumped in shock literary!

"What's happen? Hollow?!" Izuru was able to retrieve his katana before finding his drinking buddy, Matsumoto who was followed by a frowned black hair female and an uncomfortable female medic. A sigh could be heard from his taicho though…

"My, my, such a pleasure. What these three lovely ladies had in mind? Suddenly visiting our humble san bantai?"

"Urahara taicho! Kira! We have a question." Matsumoto uttered quickly as if her life was depended on that…

"It's not we! **You** have a question!" The spectacles girl gritted her teeth; she refused to be associated with improper behavior… while Isane tried to catch her breath. She should really go back to her division, Kirisaki taicho might be less intimidating than the deceased Unohana taicho but it didn't mean she let tardiness unpunished!

"Hm, what is it then?" Urahara said as he took his usual fan and hid his face behind it, smiling lightly. While Izuru relaxed his tense shoulder as he unhooked his katana from his obi.

"Do you like big breast?!" As soon as the question out from Matsumoto's mouth, poor Kira blushed heavily and almost in the brink of fainting. Kisuke's eyes widen a little but was able to maintain his fan which almost hiding his face. But they were still able to see a faint tint of pink spread slowly on his cheek.

A 'What!' was all Izuru fukutaicho able to stutter.

"You heard me that one time." Matsumoto said excitedly. She needed prove that all male indeed like big breast!

"… Why do you need to know something like that? It is not ladylike." Urahara said as he managed to suppress his redness. He was not shy to admit whatever this dear Matsumoto was asking about, but the question indeed took him by surprise. After all he certainly like big breast, all right. Well, he indeed was ogling at Matsumoto and her Zanpakutou's photo… but he loved that '_tan firm soft breast like the one Yoru- Oh hell no! Don't go there! Don't go there!'_ He could feel his core shifting a bit. '_Stop thinking_ _about naked Yorui- ARGH! STOP IMAGINING_!' He coughed; the blush came back full force.

"Urahara-taicho, are you imagining something pervert with Shihoin taicho?" Matsumoto said suddenly grinning as the said taicho shifted in his sit uncomfortable.

"Ehem… I believe you know my answer." He said almost in whisper, he was trying to restrain his desire but the coming images proved it was more than easy. "Excuse me." He uttered much to his embarrassment as he shunpoed out, he indeed needed a cold **cold** shower. The action proved to be quite a surprise for both female fukutaicho. Matsumoto only grinned widely while Izuru flabbergasted.

"I never know that Urahara taicho was that pervert." Nanao said in disbelieve.

"Male are easily aroused by imagination, I see" Isane quietly added before slapping her mouth. '_Was she just thinking out loud!'_

"Gasp! Isane!" That's it; usually the timid girl had never even joining in this kind of topic. Now she was pointing out and taking notes?!

"Forget whatever I was saying!" She squawked blushing brightly. Matsumoto let out an evil grin, black mail material ho ho ho! Anyway she was back at Izuru.

"Oi, Kira, what's your answer?" She began as she walked toward the boy. It was also wrong move for the poor male fukutaicho as he scooted backward. Feeling the wall behind his back, he looked for other way out. Too bad, Matsumoto already cornered him like how the wolf cornered its prey. She the wolf and he the sheep! '_Shouldn't he be the wolf! He's the male here for Soul King's sake!'_ His trance of thought was cut when he saw the drilling of Matsumoto's eyes "I don't know!" He yelled, desperate to escape.

"Really?" Matsumoto asked, not really believing since she knew the boy had a crush on someone. Well, it not really a secret that Izuru had this crush at the petite girl of go bantai fukutaicho (5th squad lieutenant). It was out one day when he, Hisagi, Abarai, and she herself had too many drinks.

"Yes!" He insisted

"Fine, if you don't know, I'll talk, you'll do imagination." She was pressing before smiling wickedly. Izuru couldn't do anything but gulped and nodded.

"Ok, close your eyes and imagine girl, any girl."

"What!" A dead glare was thrown as he nervously closed his eyes. A shadow of someone, female appeared on his head.

"Now, try imagining her body, is it petite or tall?"

"Petite?!" He said unsure.

"Ah, I see. Now imagining her body, curvy or not really curvy?" She said as she saw the face of Izuru was changing from pale to blush.

"Uh. I don't think-" He began but was cut once again.

"Now skin color added." The fukutaicho of juu bantai (10th squad) always had her way. "Now add the face!" She grinned as Izuru began to blush harder, even his ears were red.

"Ah, now then try to open her shitagi." As soon as she said something including the opening of clothing, the blond hair lad couldn't help it; the blood spurted out from his nose as his legs given up.

"Izuru fukutaicho!" The moment the blood had gushed out, Isane quickly made her way toward the almost unconscious male. "Matsumoto-san that was horrible, you shouldn't do that!" She quickly took out some tissue from her medical backpack, before padding his nose up.

"Rangiku, that was uncalled for, you do know Izuru was quite innocent!" Nanao added glaring dagger.

"Oh no, he is not!" The orange hair girl closed in before asking. "Nee, Kira-kun. Who's on your mind?"

"… Momo-chan…" He said weakly, Isane and Nanao really felt sorry for him…

"Ah, shoot! But big is still winning! Come on, girls! Out to go bantai (5th squad)!" Matsumoto yelled impatiently and dashed off. Both girls (yes, even the always timid Isane) gave her a glare. The white hair tall girl already helping the lad into a sofa, thankfully the boy had stopped bleeding…

"Izuru fukutaicho, are you all right?"

"Uh… don't worry it was just a little err blood." He said in embarrassment.

"Um, take care, Izuru-san." Both Isane and Nanao quickly ran after the famous lazy fukutaicho. They began to wonder. '_How in the hell did Hitsugaya taicho able to contain his insane fukutaicho?!_ Nanao was regretting her decision for not staying at her own division. She should had just stop at her office when she had chance, now she really didn't has much choice since they (Matsumoto especially!) had inform Soifon that this survey was for SWA! '_And for heaven sake, she is the fukutaicho of SWA!_' While Isane, she should really go back to yong bantai office. She knew her lunch break was up and going anywhere without informing her taicho… she shuddered. Her head was definitely served in platter tonight!

Small-two VS Big-three…

_To be continue…_

**Authoress note: actually I had plan this fic to be one shot but it's seem I couldn't summed it up in one… eh review are loved and definitely motivated me to finish.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Authoress note: hem… thank for reading and following.**

**Below list of Gotei 13 in this AU fic**

**1****st**** division: sou-taicho: Kyoraku Shuunsui & sou-fukutaicho: Ise Nanao**

**2****nd**** division: taicho: Soifon & fukutaicho: Omaeda Marechiyo**

**3****rd**** division: taicho: Urahara Kisuke & fukutaicho: Izuru Kira**

**4****th**** division: taicho: OC Kirisaki Fuuko & fukutaicho: Kotetsu Isane**

**5****th**** division: taicho: Shinji Hirako & fukutaicho: Hinamori Momo**

**6****th**** division: taicho: Kuchiki Byakuya & fukutaicho: Abarai Renji**

**7****th**** division: taicho: Komamura Sajin & fukutaicho: Iba Tetsuzaemon**

**8****th**** division: taicho: Genshiro Okikiba & fukutaicho: Mashiro Kuna**

**9****th**** division: taicho: Shihoin Yoruichi & fukutaicho: Hisagi Shuuhei**

**10****th**** division: taicho: Hitsugaya Toushiro & fukutaicho: Matsumoto Rangiku**

**11****th**** division: taicho: Zaraki Kenpachi & fukutaicho: Kusajika Yachiru**

**12****th**** division: taicho: Kurotsuchi Mayuri & fukutaicho: Kurotsuchi Nemu**

**13****th**** division: taicho: Ukitake Juutarou & fukutaicho: Kuchiki Rukia**

**Disclaimer: All character except one OC are belong to Tite Kubo**

**Warning: this fic is unbetaed.**

_Big VS Small?!_

_Chapter 2_

Isane was puffing lightly as she tried to catch up with the other two on the way toward the go bantai (5th squad), being a medic had a little disadvantage in physical training though Kirisaki Taicho was beginning to create some training schedule to upscale the skill of all yong bantai (4th squad) member. She suddenly bumped into someone as she was distracted from the running. Her groan definitely made the other two who already round the corner stopped and looked back as Isane Kotetsu rubbed her bottom.

"Gomennasai! (sorry)" The tall girl said as she quickly stood and bowed to whomever she ran into.

"So, here you are, Isane…" As soon as she heard the voice, her face turned pale. Of all people she ran into, it had to be her taicho.

"Ta- taicho!" The taller girl gasped as she saw her taicho's face. Kirisaki Fuuko wasn't as tall as her fukutaicho, but she definitely scarier due to the glaring and the purple reiatsu that was flaring on her background. She seemed to be in control of it but several pebbles around her could be seen floating lightly.

The new leader of yong bantai had a slim build much like Soifon. Her height was closed to 165 cm. She could be seen carrying her green katana on the right side. Her captain haori was a normal one without any personal addition. The only addition she added was a gold color fingerless glove with a black bellflower symbol of yong bantai on her left hand. Her dark green hair was short with sliver of waist length hair on the back of her head, much like a rat tail. Her skin was a little tan due to sun's exposure but not as dark as Yoruichi. Her eyes were brilliant gold as she glared.

"Isane Kotetsu…" Kirisaki said her full name, she had grinded her teeth with a light vein appearing on her left forehead. The taller girl gulp lightly, thankfully her two companions were coming for the rescue.

"Kirisaki Taicho." Matsumoto blabbered out quickly. She didn't really want to be a throwing practice target and neither both of her friends. "She is with us on mission for SWA." Nanao continued. A paused followed as the flaring reiatsu slowly died out. The trio sighed in relief.

"Isane?" The green hair began, her shoulder dropped down a little. "If you want to take a mission, even if it's for SWA. Do tell me! I worry sic-." She cut her grumble before gritting her teeth again. "Never mind." She turned around. She just wanted to make sure her fukutaicho was safe. The relief unit seemed to be frown upon by other shinigami since they were only specialize in healing, and it was her job as taicho to make sure everyone were not bullied! Oh, she would make sure someone would have a hard day if he/she messed up with her boys/girls. Though the syringe or scalpel throwing was quite enough to scare the bullies. The trio looked at her and a word _'mother hen'_ came floating above their heads.

"Yes, taicho, I will go back as soon as possible." Isane lips formed into a smile, her taicho was seeking her reiatsu on purpose because she was worried? Well, Unohana taicho also had done her share of protecting her member. She didn't know what her deceased taicho did when she was in juuichi bantai as the brute power unit seemed to be very afraid of her. On second thought, her taicho indeed had scared juuichi bantai members lately as the bullies lowered. But tossing needles and scalpel several mm near body part where-males-will-definitely-yell-in-pain was actually quite unnecessary…

"Isane! When you're back, be prepare with huge load of paperwork!" The green hair taicho yelled as she walked toward her division.

"Eh!" The fukutaicho of relief specialized unit couldn't stop her reaction before remembering with who she was talking. "Hai! Taicho!"

Matsumoto was grinning lightly before patting the white hair girl's shoulder. "Well, now we know why Ukitake taicho attracted to her, she is quite a mother hen." Isane was glaring at her which made the orange hair girl sweatdropped.

"Rangiku, you owe her one!" Ise said also glaring. This stupid thing started because of Matsumoto. While Ise had a lay back sou-taicho, poor Isane got a strict workaholic mother hen. "Though you right about Ukitake taicho…" The silver hair taicho indeed needed someone that could take care someone like him as Rukia was now become busier taking care of her 'boyfriend'. Both third seats were only giving the poor taicho a headache… _no offense, Isane…_

"See!" The free spirit girl uttered enthusiastically. "Now let's go! To go bantai (5th squad)!" She dashed again while both the girls groaned. '_What do they do to deserve this kind of punishment?! Really?!'_

_Bleach_

_Go Bantai (5__th__ Squad)_

Hinamori Momo was doing her share of report before she heard footsteps moved toward her taicho's office in hurry. She raised her head from her report and saw two of her friends passed by her office. '_Wait, that's Kotetsu-san and Nanao-san.' _She quickly shunpoed toward the door and looked at the direction of her taicho office. Curious was visible on her face. _'Why are two fukutaichos suddenly come to-'_ before she even finished her thought, she felt another familiar reiatsu. This time it was Matsumoto. Okay… she needed to get there and find out what had happen…

Meanwhile…

"Hirako taicho!" A girl voice reached his ears as he looked up from his report. Actually he didn't care about the report! He was proud that he became a captain once more but he was forgetting something! The load of paperwork! Now he was missing his carefree way. Why did he accept the job? Oh, yeah to avoid Hiyori. He was getting tired of being hit/slipper-slap by her. Moreover, she uncaringly jabbed his ass several times! That was hurting like hell!

"Hirako taicho! Do you hear me?!" He snapped from his trance of thought before finding face to face with this lovely milky looking breast. Wait, he didn't mind being swallowed by that… "Hirako taicho, I know I have a very lovely cleavage, I don't even mind the fact that you are staring but I need you to answer one survey?" The blond hair man finally blinked before gazing his eyes toward the owner. He grinned before making eyes contact.

"I hear ya." He said with his usual weird accent and dead pan attitude before finding out, not one but three lovely ladies with fukutaicho rank in his office. "All right, I don't know that I am popular."

"Oh sure you are, you are taicho." Matsumoto flirted lightly as Nanao rolled her eyes. That was dirty trick; the juubantai taicho clearly wanted to put another tick on her big breast check list! Although… the spectacles girl groaned inwardly, Shinji Hirako might be a big breast type; he definitely didn't need Matsumoto encouragement. Kotetsu was trying to lower her heartbeat. This was only the fifth of thirteen gotei! Did she really need to do this?!

"Is everything all right?" Hinamori Momo finally made appearance. "Taicho?"

"Oh, don't worry my first love! Everything is fine." He said as he touched his cravat lightly, unconsciously putting it into better position. The word though suddenly met with horror as Matsumoto's jaw dropped.

"Hirako taicho!" The orange hair girl began, still didn't believe that the blond hair flippant taicho was actually referring his fukutaicho as his first love?! She knew he had that habit of calling cute girl with Hatsukoi but shouldn't he also call her that too? '_Really? What's wrong with male lately?'_

"Yes, what is it, my first love?" The nickname which Shinji uttered finally put Matsumoto at ease. _Ok, it is just her imagination…_ the girl sighed in relief. Hinamori though blushed slightly as she walked inside the office and asking Kotetsu who was finally out of her panting. Nanao shook her head before she mouthed her to close her ears. The go bantai fukutaicho was quite obvious when it came to male attraction. '_Poor Izuru-san...'_ If she ever heard about sensitive matter that Matsumoto was going to ask to Hirako taicho… Nanao was about to seal her friend's hearing but it was too late.

"Do you like big breast?!" As soon as the question out, Hirako looked at her, still in his deadpan face while Hinamori blushed hard as she began to hyperventilating. Her legs began to wobble weakly; thankfully Nanao was there to catch her.

"Matsumoto-san!" Kotetsu began to felt like she is an ER nurse who was coming to aid injured victim. '_Wait! She is a medic!'_ She had listed her victim so far. Ichi-bantai: sou-taicho unconscious (no thanks to Matsumoto who was dragging her away before she could check); ni-bantai: Omaeda almost choked to death, twice! San-bantai: Izuru-san bleed (to death?); yong bantai: her taicho was angry… now on go-bantai: Momo was panting like no tomorrow. She groaned as she switched her attention back at the poor girl. "Hinamori-san, take a deep breath slowly, one two three." Meanwhile the taicho in the room took in situation. He was making sure Hinamori is ok. He didn't want to lose his fukutaicho this fast, thank you. The raven girl of go-bantai certainly gentler and respected him, not like someone he know.

"You shouldn't do something like that. My first love has weak hearts." He grinned lightly after making sure Hinamori was all right. She was after all in good hands… "So why are you asking this?"

"Actually-" The only male on the room nodded lightly every now and then as he heard the story. By now the other girls had already moved and sat on unoccupied sofa.

"Hm. I see. Well then, for me. I like cute girl."

"That's not an answer, taicho." Matsumoto gave him a quick glare.

"Ha ha ha."

"How's about this? Please list your 'cute girl' names. I'll make conclusion."

"Oh, all right. Momo-chan, Inoue-chan, Rukia-chan, Lisa-chan, Isane-chan, Nanao-chan, you, Yoruichi-san, Soi-" The list go on…

Minutes passed…

"That's practically all the girls you had encountered!" Matsumoto finally shouted in frustration.

"Well, not everyone. Hiyori is not on the list." He murmured unconsciously in irritation.

"Oh right… and why is that?" Suddenly there a slightly change on his face as he lashed out.

"That's because, she is not cute! She's a bad tempered, violence, and aggressive! She always sandal-slap, hit, kick, and abuse me! She also always turns me into human shield! She-" The list go on…

Minutes later…

Hirako was panting as he finished his list on why-Hiyori-is-out-of-his-list. All girls were sweatdropping. That was a long list for one girl. One girl… Matsumoto's face suddenly turned from hopeful to disappointment.

"I see… so small breast it is…" She said before she finally stood up.

"WHAT!" This time, the male taicho couldn't hide his surprise. His usual blank face was crumbling as he began to understand from 'where Matsumoto's conclusion came'. "I did not fall in love with Hiyori!" He shrieked in horror. _'Oh, hell! No!'_

"Well, you do say a lot about her. They say love and hate is a thin line." She sighed before walking outside. A hard 'thud' followed.

"Taicho!" Hinamori Momo had already reached her superior who could be seen pass out in shock on the floor with comically white ghost Hirako's coming out from his mouth.

"Come on, girls. We still have more squad left to visit!" She was back at her free-spirit attitude as she dashed off. Both Isane and Nanao were looking at each other before they sighed in unison. Kotetsu though, was adding her newest victim on the list as she ran with her friend in pursuit of the troublemaker.

Small-three VS Big-three…

_Bleach_

_Roku Bantai (6__th__ Squad)_

Abarai Renji was late! He already promised his taicho to be back before two, but that damn Hisagi had to drag him after lunch break, to the furthest side of 1st district in Rukongai just to buy milk. '_Yes! Milk! Damnit! Milk! What the hell is wrong with milk from the shop outside the Kyu-bantai (9__th__ squad)!'_ The red hair shook his head in annoyed. Luckily when he was there, he also came across to this one famous specialist shop that sell curry senbei. He really hoped this snack could lighten his punishment.

To be true, lately his taicho was in lighter mood. He snickered. Definitely because of the tension between him and his suppose to be adoptive sister turn girlfriend had disappeared. He was actually quite furious when Rukia approached him to tell the news personally. As she done it with blush and stuttered uncomfortably (which usually cute in his opinion), this time it didn't sooth his aching heart. There were days before he was able to meet her eyes again. Somehow during that days, his taicho cut him a little slack (well, if giving 5 minutes late tolerance was include in it…)

Renji sighed… now that his best friend had finally gave her fragile heart to someone… '_That cold bastard that almost let her executed and hurt her with acting alone as traitor in effort to chase his sealed half dead relative… but also always in time to save her and gave her everything including his life.' _He sighed again. He really needed to let her go… He always thought he had only one competitor in chasing Rukia. He never considered that his taicho would be the one that seized her out from his grasp and not that Ichigo boy. Somehow it was not that shocking to him now. He could usually spot him eyeing her in the way that was not belonged to sister-brother relationship.

"I was indeed miscalculating." He growled, waiting almost 60 years was a mistake… he should have ask her out when they both were still in Rukongai! Cursed his male ego.

"Oi! Renji!" The familiar sound from a far snapped him from his train of thought. '_Damnit, did he just miss his own division?_' He realized he was actually on the way to the center of Seireitei. Argh! Another time lost! "Renji!"

"Huh? Oh hi, Rangiku. I can't talk right now. I promised to be back at two and it already 2.05!" He said as he ran back toward his squad direction. But Matsumoto Rangiku was not a woman that gave up easily as she chased him all the way toward the roku-bantai. The duo fukutaicho behind her were also trailing.

2 minutes passed by later…

Abarai managed to go back into his post in record time. He was panting as he passed several of his members and found out that his taicho was in the training ground and was inspecting the squad's training manual. He sighed in relief as his taicho hadn't has time to check him first.

"Safe…" He said as he flopped down onto his chair when the door which he had just close burst open and almost thrown out that precious senbei that he bought for lightening his taicho mood. "By Soul King-sama! Matsumoto Rangiku, haven't you heard about knocking before entering?"

"Nevermind that, Renji." She said dismissing him.

"Rangiku-san!" Nanao panted as she closing in. "I have enough of this! I'm going back!"

"What? And make this SWA survey unfinished? Ise Nanao, you are the fukutaicho of SWA." Rangiku teased before she was flamed

"SWA! That is your idea! No SWA involved in this survey!" The spectacles lady screeched. Oh, she had high tolerant, all right. Being with Kyouraku taichou now so-taicho proved to be a challenge but running zigzag in between divisions had made her patient ran thin!

"I really wished my taicho had just drag me back forcefully to my unit." Isane Kotetsu added as she gasped for air. This is sure a good work out.

"Oh, but Soifon indeed had been informed about this SWA survey." A groan.

"What's survey actually?" The red hair ears perked up. SWA liked to do a survey, mostly for woman obviously. He indeed read the last survey about top ten eligible bachelors. He was not surprise that his taicho ended up number one with Hitsugaya taicho followed closely on second place. He swore there were many female shinigami who pedophile… Urahara taicho and Ukitake taicho were tied in third and fourth place. Then surprisingly Hisagi Shuhei, Kyouraku so-taicho, Hirako taicho, and Kenpachi taicho were ranked before him. Another blow to his male ego…

"Actually, do you like big breast?" Matsumoto finally asked as the male fukutaicho gawked, jaws dropped to the ground as he slowly flushed.

"Wh- What!?" He stuttered.

"Do you?" The orange hair girl pressed as she closing in, showing the nice view of her cleavage. The boy immediately blushed before his eyes wondered to the boobs which literally shoved onto his face. He gulped before nodding.

"Ah, finally! Now where is Kuchiki taicho?"

"Wait! What!" Abarai Renji came into immediate conclusion. '_Matsumoto Rangiku is crazy!'_ He was about to throw this group of crazy girls outside his squad. But alas… the familiar reiatsu walked toward his office before he had a chance to do that.

"Abarai." The famous Kuchiki's head paused as he took in the scene. His fukutaicho was not working; the huge load of reports was still at the same height as when the red hair had left it before lunch break. And there were additional 3 fukutaicho, **all females **in the office. His stoic face began to change slightly into a light glare.

"Ah! Just in time! Kuchiki taicho!"

"OI! RANGIKU!" The red head yelled trying to stop the immense doom, both Isane and Nanao could feel the disaster coming as they slipped out from the office first (and thankfully, Kuchiki Byakuya let them go). Just in time before juu bantai fukutaicho was able to shot out her question.

"Do you like big breast?" As soon as the question was fired, Kuchiki's face loomed with darkness. Slowly, very slowly he took the hilt of his katana and unsheathed it before the famous command was heard.

"Chire, Senbonzakura." Thus the explosion could be heard from the famous roku bantai…

Small-three VS Big-four…

_To be continue_

**Authoress note: **_**chuckle… **_**I have fun XD. Review please!**


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